Cake Batter Martini: The only way to survive election season.

I tried valiantly to resist going off on a diatribe about this, but I just couldn’t…

For the love of all that is candy-coated and butter-drenched, why have we all decided that, since it’s election season, we can indulge in ruthless attacks against anyone who doesn’t share the same political beliefs that we do?

Perhaps most oxymoronic are those of us who claim to be “liberal.” I’m not talking about all self-professed liberals– but I am addressing a significant number of you who ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Since when is it okay to stand up for the rights of certain populations (low-income, gay, female) while simultaneously threatening to draw blood from anyone who doesn’t feel compelled to vote for Obama/Biden? I guess that old saying, “if you aren’t liberal when you’re young, you have no heart; if you aren’t conservative when you’re older, you have no brain,” can’t even hold true as far as your hearts are concerned, as any person with heart wouldn’t so berate another group of people simply because their views differ from his or her own. This is the hate that fuels wars and genocides.

Frankly, the hate goes both ways across party lines, and regardless of political affiliation it’s just not okay.

A nation divided, indeed.

Newsflash, America: all politicians lie. Don’t you understand that the ever-controversial debates are not intended to present truths, but rather to show the respective candidates’ abilities to effectively support an argument? Persuasive speaking. It’s an art, not unlike the art of bullshitting. Actually, that’s exactly what it is. It’s been a long time since any candidate has actually reflected reality in a debate. Actually, I’m not really sure reality has EVER been reflected in a presidential or vice presidential debate. So quit your griping about so-and-so being a “liar.” They all are, you naive bigot.

All I want is freedom, a little peace and love, and everyone to work on that whole “agree to disagree” business. But ’til then, we might as well pour ourselves a glass, drink deep, and enjoy alcohol-induced warm fuzzies, because it may be the only solace we get for a while.

Cake Batter Martini

If you drink enough, Joe Biden might seem ALMOST classy. Oh, wait. My bad. NIDA just called and informed me that according to recent studies, all the mind-altering substances in the world are not enough to dismiss Mr. Vice President’s lack of poise, eloquence, or respectability.

…if you need more than booze to get you through the election.

Cake Batter Martini: The only way to survive election season.

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Total Time: 5 minutes

Yield: 2 martinis

Cake Batter Martini: The only way to survive election season.


  • 3 oz Three Olives Cake Vodka
  • 2 oz white/clear creme de cacao (I used Torani brand)
  • 2 oz amaretto
  • 2 oz heavy whipping cream
  • 1 oz Godiva white chocolate liqueur
  • 1 oz vanilla flavoring syrup (I again used Torani brand)
  • Sprinkles


  1. Combine all wet ingredients in a shaker and shake well for about 20 seconds
  2. Pour sprinkles onto a shallow plate that's slightly wider than the rim of the martini glass
  3. Dampen a paper towel with a little extra heavy whipping cream and coat the rim of the glass
  4. Place rim down in sprinkles and twist until sprinkles stick
  5. Pour contents in shaker into a martini glass, and immediately drop sprinkles around the outer edges to get pretty color streaks!


    • says

      Whoops! After playing with the ratios, I ended up being able to make two, not one! I better fix that. I do suppose a very thirsty person could drink the whole thing though!

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