Deadly sin #4: Sloth
I’ve already done my riff on cookie dough, so I’ll spare you another soliloquy about its raw and unadulterated beauty. In fact, I thought it would be apropos –and in the name of sloth– to just let this recipe stand alone (in case you were wondering: yes, it really is that good). However, I am a writer by training and opinionated by nature, so making a cutesy statement about laziness by being lazy just seems passively self-indulgent.
Speaking of self-indulgent, I think I’ve finally found the worst (read: BEST) reality television show ever conceived of by any pseudo-creative individual looking to profit from the agony and humiliation of others. Do any of you remember the MTV classic, Jackass? Well, it’s not that. But it is hosted by one of Jackass’s ballsy talents, one Sir Steve-o. I present to you truTV’s disasterpiece, Killer Karaoke.
Eat your heart out, American Idol.
Killer Karaoke centers around contestants singing songs of their choosing while navigating less than pleasant circumstances. Like a twisted game of sadism and masochism in which the only pleasure derived is that of the viewer, Killer Karaoke brilliantly exploits the stupidity of mankind, which is precisely why it’s so great.
There are no sob stories about overcoming adversity, there are no dream chasers, and there is clearly zero talent. There are no strangers looking to “get real,” nor are there any lonely bachelors looking for their Cinderellas. There’s no weight loss, no deserted island, and no Tyra Banks. Just the supposed superior species lookin’ for a little limelight.
The only way Killer Karaoke fails is by not remaining true to its name: there is no risk of death. Misnomer much?
I guess we will all be left to hope that Darwin’s theory of natural selection can work its magic once the cameras stop rolling.
In the meantime, couch potato up and gnaw on some of these.
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Sandwiches
- 4 and 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (precise measuring is important!)
- 2 teaspoon baking soda
- 3 teaspoons cornstarch
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
- 1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter, melted
- 1 1/2 cups light brown sugar, packed
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- 2 large eggs + 2 egg yolks, room temperature
- 1 Tablespoon pure vanilla extract
- 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 1 cup milk chocolate chips
- 1 cup unsalted butter, softened
- 1 cup light brown sugar, packed
- 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
- 1 cup powdered sugar
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 cup heavy cream
- 2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 cup mini semisweet chocolate chips
- In a large mixing bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, cornstarch, salt, and nutmeg, set aside
- In a medium size bowl, whisk the melted butter, brown sugar, white sugar, and vanilla together until no brown smooth
- Add eggs and egg yolks to wet ingredients, mix until combined
- Pour wet ingredients into the dry ingredients, combine with a wooden spoon
- Fold in both kinds of chocolate chips until dispersed evenly in dough
- Cover dough and chill for 2 hours or overnight
- Once ready to bake, remove dough from refrigerator and preheat the oven to 325 degrees F
- Line a large baking sheets with parchment paper or silicone baking mats.
- Roll the dough into balls (about 1.5 inches in diameter)
- Make sure cookie dough balls are slightly taller than they are wide, and place them upright on lined baking sheet
- Press a few more chocolate chips on top of the dough balls for aesthetic appeal, if desired
- Bake the cookies for 11-12 minutes
- Allow cookies to cool for 10 minutes on baking sheet, as they will continue to bake through
- After 10 minutes, transfer to a wire cooling rack for an additional 10 minutes
- While cookies are cooling, prepare the cookie dough icing by beating together butter and brown sugar in an electric mixer until light and fluffy
- Slowly incorporate flour, powdered sugar, and salt on low speed
- Add vanilla extract and heavy cream and continue beating until well-mixed
- Stir in mini chocolate chips by hand
- To assemble sandwiches, turn 1/2 of the cookies upside down, heap a large spoonful of icing onto cookies, and then top with remaining 1/2 of the cookies, pressing together lightly until icing spreads to the edges of the cookies
*For Kailley’s Kitchen’s basic double chocolate chip cookie recipe, click here