*Looking for more Halloween recipes? Try these Walking Dead cupcakes!
Once a year, it’s socially acceptable to dress like a slutty pumpkin, ingest copious amounts of candy, and pay homage to all that’s macabre/sinister/diabolic. We’ll call these (collectively) the Shameless Halloween Trifecta (S.H.T.). If you exhibit any (or all) S.H.T. behaviors before or beyond the month of October, expect to field a candy corn storm of judgment.
- If you don your best slutty pumpkin in July, you’re pegged as the street-walker off her psychotropic meds.
- If you devour a bag full of candy within a 12-hour span in January, your mom/dad/significant other kindly hands you a newspaper clipping with a list of local overeaters anonymous meetings.
- And if your idea of festive Valentine’s Day cupcakes include Wilton meat cleavers, royal icing pentagrams, and bloody shards of glass candy, you’re labeled a Satan-worshipping sociopath with no hope of ever finding love.
While I don’t seek to invalidate the repercussions of aforementioned S.H.T. behaviors, I’ve decided the best course is to
tread lightly (sorry, still detoxing after a 5-season Breaking Bad bender) promote a subtle rebellion against S.H.T. shaming.
The next time you see a person committing a S.H.T. faux pas outside of October, withhold your judgment. We all entertain enough judgment from others for our clothes, our bodies, our eating behaviors, and our beliefs as it is– don’t add to someone’s pain.
Leave your slutty pumpkin threads at home; opt for an outfit that falls outside of your normal repertoire. Normally a Ralph Lauren poster child? Pull on something that errs on the side of goth chic. Typically wear your hipster heart on your sleeve? Go popped-collar Lacoste and pearls preppy. You’ll get the satisfaction of playing dress-up without the disturbing/disturbed stares in your direction.
Instead of gobbling a CostCo-sized bag of candy in one sitting and ODing on instant gratification, treat yourself to one indulgent thing every day (1 bag/pallet/U-Haul full of candy doesn’t count). A scoop of ice cream, a viewing of ABC’s Nashville, an online shopping purchase– whatever causes your brain’s pleasure center to light up.
And finally, unless you’re hosting a Walking Dead party, leave the overly grotesque desserts unmade. Instead, make these perfectly cutesy-creepy Gingerdead cookies. They’re fitting for Halloween, but appropriate for any occasion, save for a funeral.
Ever since I came across Crumb’s and Corkscrew’s Gingerdead Biscuits, I was dying to make my own variation of the should-be iconic Halloween-meets-Nightmare-Before-Christmas cookie. Ultimately, I decided to utilize the same great cookie cutter (link below) with a soft, chewy gingerbread recipe. In its second iteration, I substituted some of the butter in my recipe with vegetable shortening, which allows for the cookies to remain moist without spreading as much in the oven. I also prefer my royal icing a bit on the thick side (I like that it adds a textural element), so I piped the icing into the shallow grooves of the skeleton pattern instead of using a true flooding method. If you prefer to flood, simply add a couple Tablespoons of water to the icing to thin out the consistency!
Click here to purchase the cookie cutter: Fred and Friends Gingerdead Men Cookie Cutter/Stamps
What are you baking for Halloween?